Tag Archives: reckoning

The Year of Reckoning

Forty-nine  makes me feel anxious because I know that  fifty is  a time of endings. Every magazine article and blog that declares “50 is the new 40” denies this, but it is true. Life is finite. I am more than half-way done. There are things that I am unlikely ever to do if I do not begin them before I turn 50.

Which makes forty-nine the year of reckoning. I no longer have the childish luxury of believing that what I put off until tomorrow really will wait until another day. Every day this year, I must choose to live with the aches that follow biking and Pilates, or choose to live forever with a ponderous, cranky , ever-weakening body.  I am daunted by the knowledge that there are people I will never be, selves I will never know or explore if I don’t finally get around to it this year;  so  this is the year I must  finally publish my research, my rants,  my sonnets and epitaphs instead of just writing great letters to my friends.

Some systems believe seven is the number of discipline and perfection: this seven-squared year demands that I make a habit of offering the fullness of my every talent, skill, and gift, whether or not I am afraid.  And I am afraid.

Which leaves me , dear readers, in need your stories and company. What helps you to be bold, instead of wondering “If Only Things Had Been Different”?   What have you learned to love so well that even fear cannot hold you back?

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